Quotes: 2004 - 2005
Analysis of Algorithms Teacher
- I'm always usually online.
- Now I know for sure that I can always contradict myself by saying that.
- I just need to prove something here. It doesn't matter -- could be anything.
- It has very a lot of applications.
- Is this right? It looks right to me, so it's right.
- It's a very cute and interesting puzzle.
- I'm not a favourite of telescoping.
- ... and there's a GCAT -- whatever that is -- and then the G changes to a C and the A turns into a T, and somewhere along the line you get Parkinson's disease.
- You can't cut an orange in half and ship it. [I'll be sure to keep that in mind.]
- You guys kill me.
- It was exactly very similar to what we did in class.
Assembly Language Programming Teacher
- When you specify an address on the bus, you're asking for a bite. [Well, "byte" actually, but this way's funnier.]
- And now I'll enter my password: 'A' Oops. [I never again saw so many people taking notes during this course as I did during that class.]
- All my passwords begin with 'A'. [But this is the strange part. Why, after realizing that he was telling us his password, would he go and say this? I hope he went and changed all his passwords afterwards.]
- You know how Microsoft is: you type something and it thinks it knows better than you, so it changes it. [So true...]
- This wheel, it just turns around and around and around and around and around, right? I mean, that's what a wheel does.
- In the best case, your program will crash. In the worst case, it'll do something stupid, like reformat your harddrive.
- I keep it very simple, because it's easier to understand. [You don't say...]
- Here, let me show you... What do you mean "permission denied"? Awwww... Boooo!
- Ok, so I'm just going to blow this up.
- Look! We got '255'. Isn't that cute?
- Consider an infamous stream of zeros... ["Infinte", maybe?]
- I feel kind of idiotic.
Data Structures and Algorithms Teacher
- [pbbbbt...] That's just a brain fart... Sorry.
- Alright... You guys are losers.
- Being called a geek is a compliment. Being a geek means you're really interested in something. [See, Mom? Being a geek is a good thing!]
- We [faculty] can be as evil as we want, because we're in charge.
- Special cases are the bane of our existence.
- I never took French. Ever. The only French I know is from Sesame Street.
- I like playing video games. Kill something! It makes you feel good.
- Up till now, we have been talking about hashing and the joys of hash. [Hashing is a programming algorithm.]
- It's the greatest. It's super-duper. [About hash.]
- I try not to have friends, because they just disappoint you. Because they're never as good as you are.
- There's more to life than binary search trees.
- You're an evil person.
- Your variable names suck!
- DUPLO is LEGO for slow kids.
- We're not mean. We're just enjoying ourselves.
- Doing a breadth-first traversal [of a graph] is like totally narly.
Discrete Math Teacher
- This looks kind of abstract and ugly and blah blah blah, right?
Object Orientation Teacher
- There we go! We're melting all kinds of objects there.
- Let's just try to crash the Java Virtual Machine here quickly. It shouldn't take long.
- I'll pass a Grandpa to this one.
Philosophy Teacher
This prof was an extremely nice guy -- with a very 'interesting' sense of humour. He was joking about pretty much every one of these quotes. They're all taken out of context.
He also had the most unusual way of wiping the chalkboard. He would give it a quick wipe once, getting most of the chalk off but missing quite a few spots as well. Then he would proceed to wipe it once or twice more, each time managing to miss all the spots he missed the first time. He didn't seem to mind though. And neither did we, because we couldn't have read his writing even with a clean board.
- Unless you brainwash yourself into thinking highly of me, you don't have a hope of doing well in this course.
- I'm very good at avoiding questions.
- 80% is a good probability. If there was an 80% chance that my grading was fair, you should consider yourself lucky.
- I hardly ever make things up; I just lie about them.
- Unless you leave $20 on my desk when you leave the class, you'll be beaten up by me and my thugs on the weekend.
- I'm the smartest man that has ever lived in the entire human race.
- Those are the stupidest things that philosophers have ever said. And philosophers have said some stupid things. [About Descartes' and Montaigne's views on the mind and reality]
- From now to the end of the semester, we'll be discussing what we'll be covering next semester. [Does that mean we'll be starting Semester 2's topics early, or that we'll just be giving our opinions on things we haven't heard about yet?]
- I believe it would be amusing if I stick out my foot as you walk by, and see if I can cause you some harm.
- "Glubs gerb" is my way of saying "tables are brown".
- My last surviving uncle was male. [It's a good thing too...]
- More and more, I'm starting to believe that I'm the smartest person ever.
- At the end of class, I'll stand at the front here with my arm raised like this, waiting for a suitable person to walk by, who I'll hit over the head.
- I don't mind that you're being surly to me this morning. You're not shooting me -- I'm happy to live with that. [Plus, it's kind of hard to live, period, if someone is shooting you.]
- Get your stupid hand out of there, you fool!
- I don't actually read books; I just buy them so I can impress students with my vast library.
- I intended for it to be a duck/rabbit. It may not be a very good duck/rabbit, but it's a duck/rabbit nonetheless!
Programming Practices Teacher
- They are very similar in different ways.
- Let's call it quits for today. You don't want to be here; I don't want to be here.
- Because I didn't check it, some nasty things happened beyond my back. [Just a friendly reminder to always watch your back.]
- ... and then they'll come screaming, telling you that your code is a piece of crap -- it doesn't work!
- Make a note of the thing.
- I have to show my ear. How I do it doesn't matter. Today I could show it like this, but tomorrow I could show it with my other hand.
- There is no correlation or association between these two foos.
- Don't fool around with my variable!
- C is for hackers. [Oh, and here I thought C was for Cat...]
- I will accept that type of hacking, but not this type. This type is bad.
- You can't say: "Oh 'A', I don't like this apartment. I'm moving to a different apartment." [Surprisingly, I don't think this quote was taken out of context.]
- C is a totally different animal. [It's like a hacker animal!]
- It produced... I don't know; I don't care. Some numbers.
- You may ask how the computer implements this internally. My answer is, "Who cares?". [I cared...]
- Oh. I'm actually misleading you, but that's okay.
- I'm just putting a wrapper around my contents so no one can steal my dollars there.
Statistics Teacher
- The class has been splitted into two groups for the midterm
- People who live in the woods and have no money, you probably won't see [at a shopping mall doing a survey].
- Maybe I should go back and take this course again. [Always a reasurring thing to hear from a prof.]
Quantum Physics Teacher
- There's a lot of physics you can squeeze out of this. ["Watch out, or I'll squeeze the living physics out of you!" just doesn't have the same ring to it though.]
- It's like Goldilocks and the three bears -- it has to be just right.
- We can't have a wavefunction that blows up. [In any case, you'd be stopped by the airport security guards.]
