Prologue
'Now, add six tablespoons of butter. Mmmmm... That's refreshing.'
Timothy scooped out six tablespoons of butter and placed it in his frying pan along with the fish he had just caught. The whole thing spontaneously combusted and burst into flame.
'We'll be right back after these messages.'
The TV proceeded to show a man dressed in a hyena suit jumping on a trampoline while paper towels rained down from the sky. Timothy had seen the ad before.
'Kerfuffles paper towels! Get yours today!'
Timothy threw some snow from the ground into the frying pan, and the fire sizzled and smoked, leaving a rather burnt and rather wet fish in its wake.
From the mouth of the igloo he heard a low growl. He glanced up, puzzled. He wasn't expecting any company today. He hoped there would be enough fish to go around.
Now a dull thudding roar emanated from the entrance, steadily growing louder. The growl grew louder as well, and even became a snarl at times. Timothy peered outside. It looked like a snowstorm, even though it was supposed to be a calm, sunny day. Timothy shrugged to himself, and got back to work. He grabbed some Kefuffles paper towels from the counter and dabbed the frying pan, soaking up the now-melted snow.
The thudding roar slowed down and stopped; the snowstorm ended simultaneously. The growl was still just as loud, however.
Timothy had just finished sopping up the last of the water when he heard a scream. He wasn't terribly concerned however. Most visitors tended to scream a bit when they first arrived. He felt the occasional scream provided a good outlet, cleansing the soul.
'And we're back. Now all you need to do is toss on some spices, and you're done. Voila! Masterpiece!' The TV focused on the finished dish. It looked spectacular, practically radiating deliciousness from the screen. Timothy's mouth watered. He looked down at his burnt, cold, and wet fish. It had turned out better than last time, at least.
"Aaaaahhh! My leg!" Timothy looked out the entrance in time to see a dark shape being dragged across the snow, clawing frantically at the ground for a handhold of any type. Turning back to his unfortunate fish, he tossed some spices onto it, and cut it into smaller pieces. Now it was time to welcome his guest. Placing the frying pan on the table, he walked over to the closet, and pulled out a heavy jacket. He put it on. Next came a hat and some warm, wooly mittens. Finally, a pair of snowshoes were tied tightly to his boots.
"Get it off of me! Get it off- arrrggh!"
Timothy crawled slowly through the tunnel, pushing his frying pan in front of him. Once he got to the end, he had to pause to allow his eyes time to adjust to the bright sun. Before long, he was able to see again. He looked around. A few dozen meters away was a helicopter with swirls of bright colours painted on the sides that made his head swim. The side door was open, and Timothy saw that it was a two-seater. Timothy looked around, searching for its occupants. Eventually, his eyes found a man about his age, but much shorter. On top of the man was a rather large polar bear, a deep growl emitting from its gaping jaws.
"Fluffy! Bad bear! Drop him and come here! Drop him. No, Fluffy! Drop him- thereÕs a good bear. Come here!" Fluffy trotted over to Timothy, leaving the shaken man behind. Timothy scratched the back of its head and rubbed noses with it.
"Sit. Sit. Good bear. Stay." He left the polar bear by the igloo and made his way to the man.
"Look, I'm terribly sorry about all that. Fluffy tends to get a bit overexcited when we have visitors."
"Well, that's quite alright," said Frank, nursing his leg. "I don't think the damage is permanent."
"I've been trying to teach her to take life a bit more calmly, but I haven't had much luck yet. I cooked some fish, would you like any?" Timothy offered the man his frying pan. Frank looked at the battered and mangled pile of stuff incredulously.
"Ummm... I don't have very much time. And, in fact, I just ate. I had a big- no gigantic meal, actually. I feel like I ate a horse. Thanks for offering, but I think I'll have to take a raincheck."
Fluffy growled and got up off her haunches, striking a threatening pose. Frank glanced at the bared teeth and looked away just as quickly.
"Well, I suppose a bite or two couldn't hurt." He carfully picked up a smaller piece from the frying pan and stuck it in his mouth. His face scrunched up like a prune and his eyes watered. Deciding to get it over with as fast as possible, Frank swallowed it whole. But it didn't go down right, and he clutched at his throat. Choking once or twice, he fell to his knees. He knelt there, coughing for at least a minute.
"Is it any good?" asked Timothy.
"I think I swallowed a couple dozen bones," moaned Frank.
"I don't think they're bad for you. Would you like some more?"
Frank broke into another coughing fit, after which he replied, "No thanks. I think I'll savour the aftertaste for a while. You can have the rest. Please. I insist."
"Well, alright then." Timothy shoveled a couple pieces into his mouth and chewed contentedly.
"Are you by any chance 'Timothy Nerrivik'?" managed Frank, after he had mostly recovered.
"Yes," said Timothy.
Frank sighed in relief. "Pleased to meet you," he said, "My name is Frank Baxter".
"Hi."
"We've had a devil of a time finding you, I must say." Frank stood up and brushed himself off. He did a pathetic little dance and smiled as widely as he could. The overall effect was equivalent to choking a cat.
"Cangratulations. It's your lucky day. You are the grand prize winner of the 'To Sphinxq and Beyond' contest. Hooray." Frank pulled out a nearly destroyed party whistle from his jacket pocket and blew it. It let out a half-hearted squeak before it broke in half and fell into the snow.
A light breeze swept across the ground, raising little snow whirlwinds as it went. Timothy stared at the queer little man.
Way back -- over a month ago -- he and Fluffy had gone to the local Walmart to pick up some supplies. It was a strange fact of the Earth, that no matter where you were, there was always a Walmart no more than fifteen kilometers away. He had hooked Fluffy up to the dog sled -- he had no dogs -- and they had set off. Once there, he had parked the sled in one of the elongated parking spots reserved for sleds like his. One of the nice things about having a polar bear pull your sled, is that he didn't need to spend money on any sled security devices. Nobody would dream of stealing a sled guarded by a bear.
It had taken Timothy about twenty minutes to find everything he needed. As he was standing in the checkout line, he had noticed a brightly coloured display for a contest. 'To Sphinxq and Beyond' had been inexpertly scrawled at the top. He figured it had merely been a typo. Presumably it was supposed to say, 'To the Sphinx and Beyond'. Timothy had always wanted to see the pyramids and great sphinx of Egypt. Nunavut tended to be a bit lacking in the sightseeing department (Hills of snow as far as the eye could see in any direction. And after that, there were some more hills of snow. If you were lucky, you might see a Walmart way off in the distance). He had bought a couple tickets.
"You mean 'To the Sphinx and Beyond', right?" he asked Frank. "You know, the huge cat-like statue thing in Egypt?"
"No. Sphinxq. You know, the star halfway across the galaxy?" Frank stared at him, an eyebrow raised. "Didn't you read the contest details?"
"Oh." Timothy was getting a bit worried now. "Well, I just wanted to see the Sphinx in Egypt. Can you send me there instead?"
"Of course not!" Fluffy growled a little louder, and Frank shrank back a little more.
"Well, I don't want to go then. You can give the prize to someone else."
Frank thought of Olanda and the many ways she would make his life miserable should he return without Timothy. He shuddered involuntarily. He'd have to get Timothy back no matter what, and then he could let her deal with him. And the sooner the better. The polar bear was starting to inch forward, and Frank had grown quite fond of having all his limbs attached. This called for drastic measures.
"Ha ha ha ha! I can't believe you fell for that!" he forced himself to laugh. "Sphinxq the star? The very thought of it makes me laugh! Ha ha! Ha! Of course I meant the sphinx in Egypt! Ha."
This seemed to brighten Timothy up quite a deal. In fact, his smile could hardly have been bigger, if it still wished to remain on his face. "Really?"
"Yes, of course. Shall we go?"
"Wow! Alright! Just let me go pack my bags!"
Fluffy was now just a few meters away, lips peeled back in a snarl. Frank pretended to look at his watch. "Sorry. Look at the time. We're already late!"
He grabbed Timothy by the arm, ran towards the helicopter and practically threw him inside. He jumped in mere miliseconds later, and slammed the door as fast as he could. There was a thud as Fluffy rammed into the door, which was followed by the scratch of metal as the bear clawed madly, trying to gain entrance. Frank held his breath. He flipped switches and pulled levers in record time, and the blades began to turn and speed up.
The copter lifted off in a hurricane of snow. Once they were a couple thousand feet up, Frank let out his held breath in a gasp. He glanced over at Timothy. He was strapped into his chair, happily finishing off the last of the fish from his frying pan, smile still as wide as ever. Frank shook his head and flew on.
Fluffy looked up dejectedly at the rapidly diminishing dot in the sky. She waited a few minutes to see if it would come back. No such luck. Turning around, she sulked off in search of a tasty looking seal to kill.
